Thursday, January 3, 2013

Deceptive Thoughts

Deception, like anything, is only fun if you're on its side.

I appreciate the evolutionary benefit of lying. It's a social lubricant that makes things easier in the here and now when it comes to not hurting someone's feelings. It's also tied into humanity's abstract creativity and the ability to think of situations that aren't currently (or may never for that matter) happening.

Even in the rest of the animal kingdom, deception is a perfect way to trap food and evade being food. Though, now that I think about it, Humans are the only species where lying works in favor of mating rituals. Mating for every other species seems to come down to, "oh yeah, you want to spread your genetics? Let's prove you're worth it, buddy." For humans, it pretty much comes down to telling a drunk girl that you love her too.

Deception has been a part of human society for all of recorded history and then some. We make up stories constantly and will continue to for as long as it serves us well. I enjoy being able to pass off lying as creativity, I enjoy being able to tell a little white lie for the comical enjoyment of all parties involved when the ruse is lifted. I enjoy misdirection, confusion, subterfuge, all that crap. But it always sucks to be the mark of someone's ruse.

When you're on the receiving end of a lie, no matter what the size or shade, trust in the liar diminishes. This person could be otherwise credible but, because they were willing to lie about anything, your faith in them is shaken. What other times could they be lying about? What have they said to me or anyone else that's ever been true? Am I the only person worth lying to? How else in my life is lying to me?

These are the types of thoughts that breed paranoids. They're also preposterous.

If a single person you trust's little white lie can shake your entire faith in that person, fuck you. Really. Like you're so saintly in the first place.

People are only disrupted by lies that are discovered to be lies. Everything is truth until it's found out to be untrue. Glaring lies, due to lack of evidence, have been passed off as truth for time out of mind in human society. Chances are, the things that we believe may be challenged, tested and proven incorrect. It's not that we're stupid and believe a bunch of bullshit lies, it's that we haven't come to the answer that proves us wrong. We've sort of figured out how space works instead of clinging to Terran-centric universal ideologies. We've discovered that tectonics, not Poseidon, are responsible for earthquakes, how bathing is a component to good health and that there's things worse than uncaring Eldritch Abominations that can destroy our planet without warning in our own solar system. However, everyone who was really into things like flat earths, Cthulu and staying filthy, I can see why they'd be pissed when shown the light of what's actually out there and you have to disband your 'Cthulu's Call' newsletter, or at least rename it to 'The Exploding Star Extra'.  Because it's never fun to be told you were lied to. Worst of all, that you believed it.

But let me remind us all once more. Everyone lies in a myriad of capacities. Lying, and its ascension to an art form by our most skilled, silver-tongued, soothsayers of slander; is a helpful tool when wielded properly. It can escape breakups, loneliness and social scrutiny when done well. However, it can dig you even further into any one of those, and other, graves.

Respect the lie. Respect dishonesty. Use it with care, or be used without care because of it. Don't be so hasty to search for the truth, because you might not like what you find when you do.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Making Up Excuses to Waste Time

Writing just to get stuff out and because I promised myself I'd actually write something everyday for this year.

So, exorcising discontent is always an easy to express topic. I'm currently trying to figure out how plausible my imagined life would be. As in the one I imagine is better somehow than the situation I'm inhabiting. I'm certain it exists but it seems it would require me changing up how I utilize my time online. I suppose my biggest problem lies in getting entangled in things I don't need to explore at the moment.

My favorite time waster (this could be considered one of them) is R&I: Research and Inspiration. That can mean anything. I pull inspiration from everything. I feel most people do, they just don't realize it until they look back on it. But pulling inspiration is nice when it includes sitting around watching a two-star at best movie. My favorite rationalization behind that; "Well, I need to know how not to write a story as much as how to write one."

Research is my biggest issue. Social networking, which falls under Presence Building, usually ends up being an easy detractor when I get bored. I use things from friends and sites I look at all the time which can be justified as research in its own. If I'm trying to find an answer to something that's holding up an entire sentence, due to it being a concept that I vaguely understand and need to find its plausibility, research can take a very long time for me.

I also let myself get easily distracted. Of course things like feeding myself and cleaning my dwelling are things I need to do, but they don't need to become priorities at the moment of inspiration. When I actually do get some writing done, it's after hours have passed and I've taken several breaks to do pretty much anything else but write. This is the behavior that I'm making a change in this year in exchange for achieving goals.

The imaginary life I have in my head is totally achievable. Every story I've read or seen or heard about success that's the key of it. Go do what you want to do and even if you suck at first, just keep doing it and you'll get what you want.

At the heart of all my procrastination, the idea that the world was going to end at any second. That was my great fear. I was a child under the fear of nuclear war, a teenager in the wake of it and an adult lost in a culture of fear at my country's day in the sun coming to a close. For time out of mind, we've had people screaming at us that everything was going to come crashing down. In many ways, the world as we know it has ended. It'll keep ending and hopefully every new beginning is a little less awful before it comes crashing down again.

Here's to doing. I feel better already.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Talking to Myself

"Be Different"

What a rallying cry. What a way to stick it to the Plain Janes and Boring Normans out there in the great wide world. What a time we live in where diversity and uniqueness are looked upon as sigils of good character and independence.


No one wants you to be different, because different gets you ostracized and shunned. Every clamor for the essence of the unique is voiced in unity. "Be yourself." "Take the road less travelled." "Fly your freak flag."

If you need someone to tell you to be different, or embrace what makes you special, it's already too late. You're on the same wavelength as everyone else being beamed the same ad campaign from the same popular channels.

Wrap yourself in whatever trappings that different and unique perspective you want to buy into to take home for yourself. Put on all the clothes, change your diet, like some stuff on facebook, but none of it effects what makes you, you.

Being different, being unique, being one of a kind, none of that comes without a price. Those that are truly different, truly unique, they're truly one of a kind. And worst of all, that could be everyone. Everyone is capable of being themselves, which is the easiest thing in the world to be, but everyone else is what keeps one from being anything but everyone else.

Those that are on 'The Road Less Traveled' that didn't have a giant sign sponsored by NIKE and flashing arrows to it, they are many, but they're in hiding and mostly separated. In hiding because they have to fit in, somehow, with everyone on the broad path to boredom. Separated because of the rarity of their ilk.

Because an unpaved road is hard as hell to navigate, and jealousy loves to make things even harder. Those that lift their heads from their daily trudge with nothing but enmity and spite, mocking the fools struggling behind the herd out in the wilderness, seem so content to let shit fall from their lips. So pleased to say anything that means nothing under the guise of 'humor'. Following behind their funded farces, griping and spending all the way as they trample poor stragglers that can't keep up under heel and feeling so superior about it the whole time.

Is it a crime to create what you love if you never take a penny for it? Is it wrong to be a good person but not a rich one? Is it right to be the example for the masses to consume when they'll never digest the message? Is it right to think you're an example when you know you're no example at all?

When did voting with a dollar become the only vote that mattered and when will we stop throwing our votes away? When did art depreciate so much that the only way to perform it is to whore it? When did everyone's time become so important but the only thing they do with it is blow it on bullshit jobs they hate and cheap thrills?

The bar for titillation is low, the path to the end is easy, the way to it is wide.

The path to anywhere is everywhere else.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Outrageous Posthumous Demands

I think about death a lot. Most folks call that morbid, but I call it a product of my experiences. Everyone thinks about death, some obsess about it, others fear it and push it away, some want to master it, some want to party with it. Death is the single most amazing thing about life. The feats humanity has done in the face or driven by the fear of death are incredible spectacles worthy of remembrance and to be woven into our collective memorial tapestry.

On a genetic imperative level, organic life is only here to pass on their successful genes before they die to perpetuate a hopefully more refined gene pool. Basically, we're here to eat enough until we can fuck and make another kind of version of us then die and let your offspring have a crack at the whole process. The grand circle of life and all that. Of course, there's more uplifted aspects to ourselves (supposedly) that we like to think separates mankind from animalkind and that distinction is supposedly our ability to create. I don't have the answer to that question and neither does anyone I've talked to. Creation of stuff seems to be the most common to point to (despite programs and apes creating works of art for a while by now and music hardly a human only trait). Regardless of what makes us unique, what ties us to all other life is that we really don't want to die.

Because of our species tendency to overcomplicate and ritualize actions, and have no one call us on our bullshit, I'd like to update my internet death request records.

The funeral I planned a decade ago was extravagant and totally not forward thinking to the implications of a post-911/second depression America. So, ignore that plan if I ever told you anything about it and you stumble across this post. Thanks.

I'd imagine cremation would be the most economical disposal method. Since I imagine I'll be dead in some mildly humiliating way that would render an open casket unfeasible, that should clear up that problem. If someone wants to kick in on my behalf for a grave, I'm dead, I can't object. My life insurance will probably be used towards whatever future debt the government will have saddled upon the common man for the riches of a few, but whatever it can buy, make my funeral as cool or droll as needed. Funerals are for the living anyway.

However, if you've ever truly loved me, you'll know that loving me takes some work. As such, here's my final assignment that I'd want done as a wake for me. Since a wake is always the best party thrown for you that you'll never go to, I would like to think of it as a robust and cathartic experience. You can do this by yourself or in one gathering of people, but if you're going to do it, do it right.

I'm asking for one day of stepping outside of yourself to experience what it was like to be me.  From birth to death, an experiment in empathy and release. I hope that once you feel what it's like to be another person after their passing, you'll understand something about yourself. So many secrets and unanswered questions are associated with death, coupled with my nature of offering "Bardic Knowledge" wether it's wanted or not, I hope to express a personal sentiment that's built for the deceased but experienced by the surviving.

If you don't usually partake of intoxicants, I'd suggest breaking that in whatever way you feel comfortable for this day. My preferred neurococktail levels at various life have been as follows: a six pack and a tall can, a J & a bowl or 1 blunt, half a jug of Carlo Rossi, tequila and chelada beer, an 1/8 caps & stems, 1 pill to start but really 2, 2 doses, if you're going to have a line of course you'll need another, 2 hits but never 6, 4 buttons, 3 crackers, a mug of coffee, 2 steeps of tea, 3 Mountain Dews, 1 bar, snort half swallow the other, three 40's. All of these are represented at some point in the mix. When would be telling.

First, set a place for me at a table. I imagine everyone's bags/jackets will end up on that chair, but what else is new. Whoever opens their house for their house for this celebration, be prepared with a decent sound system that can be invasive when need be. At 9:30PM EST (so if you're in my home time zone, 6:30PM) to signify my birth, play the following 311 track playlist and party/weep/hate/imbibe/pray/meditate/screw/and everything in between.

NO SKIPPING TRACKS, please (no matter how much you hate/are over it. I'll know.):

I. Welcome to this World
1. The 9th Symphony 1st Movement- Ludwig Van Beethoven
2. Hello There - Cheap Trick
3. May 16 - Lagwagon
4. 20th Century Boy - T.Rex
5. Life's Been Good To Me So Far - Joe Walsh
6. Gone Daddy Gone - The Violent Femmes
7. The Times They Are A-Changin'- Bob Dylan
8. They End - The Doors

9. America - Simon & Garfunkle
10. The Kid is Already Breaking - The Angels of Light
11. Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters - Elton John
12. L.A. Blues - The Stooges
13. Live Wire - Mötley Crüe
14. Intertiatic E.S.P. - The Mars Volta
15. Into the Void - Black Sabbath
16. Digital - Joy Division
17. Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus
18. Kraid - Minibosses
19. Pale Shelter - Tears for Fears
20. Bringing on the Heartbreak - Def Leppard
21. Funtime - Iggy Pop
22. My Way - Sid Vicious
23. Mommy, Can I Go Out & Kill Tonight? - Misfits
24. Manic Depression - Jimi Hendrix
25. Over the Edge - L.A. Guns
26. Some Candy Talking - The Jesus & Mary Chain
27. Message In A Bottle - The Police
28. Wax and Wane - Cocteau Twins
29. All Night Long - Mary Jane Girls
30. (Nothing But) Flowers - Talking Heads
31. Major Tom (Coming Home) - Peter Schilling
32. You're Gonna Miss Me - 13th Floor Elevators

II. Raised to be Stupid
33. The 9 Symphony 2nd Movement - Ludwig Van Beethoven
34. Last Night a DJ Saved My Life - Indeep
35. Braggadocio - MC Frontalot
36. Wanna Be Startin' Something? - Michael Jackson
37. Fight The Power - Public Enemy
38. For Those About To Rock - AC∫DC
39. Street Fighting Man - Rolling Stones (I still hate The Stones)
40. Very Ape - Nirvana
41. Dose - Filter
42. Walking Contradiction - Green Day
43. Fools - Van Halen
44. Sick Little Girl - Pop Will Eat Itself
45. Knowledge - Operation Ivy
46. Lexicon Devil - The Germs
47. Estranged - Guns N' Roses

48. That's When I Reach for My Revolver - Mission of Burma
49. I Love Livin' in the City - Fear
50. Jesus Built My Hotrod - Ministry
51. Blunt Force Trauma - Chemlab
52. Nothing To Gein - Mudvayne
53. The Devil's Bile - Bile
54. Follow The Leader - Buku
55. New Millennium Cyanide Christ - Messhuggah
56. Breaking the Law - Judas Priest
57. The Call of Ktulu - Metallica
58. Fish Fry - Big Black
59. Flowest Cunning Demonator - Kat5can
60. Disobedience - KMFDM
61. Breathe - The Prodigy
62. Spiderman - DJ OZMA
63. Mr. Roboto - Styx
64. Behind the Sun - Red Hot Chili Peppers
65. the 15th - Wire
66. Dear Prudence - Siouxsie And The Banshees
67. Bitches - Mindless Self Indulgence
68. My Freeze Ray - Dr. Horrible
69. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
70. Champagne Supernova - Oasis

71. Who Loves the Sun - The Velvet Underground
72. I Want To Know What Love Is - Foreigner
73. Satellite of Love - Lou Reed
74. Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys
75. It's You - The Millennium
76. Panic - The Smiths
77. There She Goes - The La's
78. Purple Rain - Prince
79. In My Time of Dying - Led Zeppelin
80. Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) - The Beatles
81. Hope - Descendents
82. Sex (I'm A...) - Berlin
83. Valerie Loves Me - Material Issue
84. Eyes Without A Face - Billy Idol
85. True - Spandau Ballet
86. Poison - Alice Cooper
87. The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars
88. Weightless - Pigface
89. The Prelude - Nobuo Uematsu
90. Broken Wings - Mr. Mister
91. Little Wing - Stevie Ray Vaughan

III. There Is No Modern Romance
92. Regina - Sugarcubes
93. Starla - Smashing Pumpkins
94. Here in Your Bedroom - Goldfinger
95. Social - Squirtgun
96. Psychobilly Freakout - Reverend Horton Heat
97. Waiting For Mommie - My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult
98. New Noise - Refused
99. Now You're A Man - DVDA
100. Six Pack - Black Flag
101. Sinatra - Helmet
102. Strawberry Gashes - Jack Off Jill
103. Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence - GlassJAw
104. Can't Change Me - Chris Cornell
105. A Letter To Elise - The Cure
106. The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) - Tom Waits
107. Drive - The Cars
108. Ventura Highway - America
109. Happy - Ned's Atomic Dustbin
110. Sorry - Nerfherder

111. Disconnected - Face To Face
112. God Save The Queen - The Sex Pistols
113. Police Truck - Dead Kennedys
114. Chinese Rock - Ramones
115. Nitro - Dick Dale
116. Points of Authority - Linkin Park
117. #1 Crush - Garbage
118. Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley (I hope I don't live to see RickRoll 2.0)
119. SEX AND DRUGS - Hyper Crush
120. 6 Underground (Nelle Hooper Edit) - Sneaker Pimps
121. Windowlicker - Aphex Twin
122. Ain't No Fun (If the Homies Can't Have None) - Snoop Dogg feat. Tha Dogg Pound
123. Azz & Tittiez - Thee6Mafia
124. Some Velvet Morning - Primal Scream
125. I Remember You - Skid Row
126. Wicked Games - Chris Issak
127. All Blues - Miles Davis
128. Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
129. Piano Man - Billy Joel
130. Having an Average Weekend - Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet
131. Standing Outside a Broken Telephone Booth With Money In My Hand - Primitive Radio Gods
132. Importance - DeathBoy
133. This Wreckage - Gary Numan & Tubeway Army

134. The Electric Version - The New Pornographers
135. Song About An Angel - Sunny Day Real Estate
136. Fuck and Run - Liz Phair
137. Waiting for Somebody - Paul Westerberg
138. Debaser - Pixies
139. Cool As Kim Deal - The Dandy Warhols
140. De-Luxe - Lush
141. So Alive - Love And Rockets
142. Simple & Clean - Hikaru Utada
143. Nerdy - Poison The Well
144. Sex and Violence - The Exploited
145. Traveling Not Running - EMF
146. The Places You Have Come To Fear the Most - Dashboard Confesional

147. Classic Girl - Jane's Addiction
148. Girl Anachronism - The Dresden Dolls
149. Theme - Rites of Spring
150. Birdhouse in Your Soul - They Might Be Giants
151. Bring on the Dancing Horses - Echo & The Bunnymen
152. Transylvanian Concubine - Rasputina
153. Planet Claire - The B-52's
154. Blue Monday - New Order
155. Give Up - Alec Empire
156. Silver Screen Shower Scene - Felix Da Housecat
157. Erotica - Razed in Black
158. Hyper-Ballad - Björk
159. Angel - Massive Attack
160. Magdelina - A Perfect Circle
161. In Theory - Mira
162. Nightswimming - R.E.M.
163. Set a Drift on Memory Bliss - PM Dawn

IV. You Can Fall To Pieces
164. Africa - Toto
165. Blue Skies - BT
166. Butterfly (DDR Remix) -
167. Collision Course (Original Mix) - Trainwreck
168. Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing Ta Fuck Wit' - Wu-Tang Clan
169. Ace of Spades - MotörHead
170. Understanding in a Car Crash - Thursday
171. Space Cadet - Kyuss
172. Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie
173. Stars - Hum
174. A Jagged Gorgeous Winter - The Main Drag
175. Condemnation - Depeche Mode
176. The World Has Turned and Left Me Here - Weezer
177. Forgot About Dre. - Dr. Dre
178. If You Want To - Tim Sears
179. Crimson and Clover - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
180. You're My Best Friend - Queen
181. Wandering Star - Portishead
182. Echoes - Pink Floyd
183. Tuesday's Gone - Lynard Skynard
184. Stay - Lisa Loeb
185. Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) - Deftones

186. Los Angeles - X
187. Super-Charger heaven - White Zombie
188. Postmortem - Slayer
189. Beast and the Harlot - Avenged Sevenfold
190. Demanufacture - Fear Factory
191. Refuse/Resist - Sepultura
192. Floods - Pantera
193. Ænima - Tool
194. Change (Apocalypse Remix) - DeathBoy
195. Come On My Selector - Squarepusher
196. Mass Producing Hate - Meat Beat Manifesto
197. Make You Believe - Messy feat. Jessicka
198. Stitches - Orgy
199. Connection - Elastica
200. Surfer Girl - Homegrown
201. The Wooden Song - Butthole Surfers
202. Nights Like These - Lucero
203. Cold Blows the Wind - Ween
204. Flower - Eels
205. Cherry Blossom Girl - Air
206. O.K. - Local H
207. emo - Blink182
208. Gloria - Mineral
209. Pretend To Be Nice - Josie and the Pussycats
210. Up in Arms - Foo Fighters

211. High and Dry - Radiohead
212. Circles - The Kinda Longhaired Band
213. Daria - Cake
214. J'en Ai Marre! - Alizée
215. Monster - Lady Gaga
216. Pary Hard! - Andrew W.K.
217. Because It's Midnight - Limozeen
218. Toxic - Britney Spears
219. Nrrrd Grrrl - mc chris
220. Super-Sprøde - Freezepop
221. The Set Up (You Need This) - Reel Big Fish
222. Got You Where I Want You - The Flys
223. Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry
224. Come Undone - Duran Duran
225. That Girl - Esthero
226. Nothing Better - The Postal Service
227. These Things - She Wants Revenge
228. Crash into Me - Dave Matthews Band
229. Falls Apart (Run Away) - Sugar Ray
230. No Satisfaction - Black Mountain
231. If I Could Talk I'd Tell You - The Lemonheads
232. Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down - Scott Weiland
233. How's It Gonna Be? - Third Eye Blind
234. Earth Crosser - Veruca Salt

235. Lady Picture Show - Stone Temple Pilots
236. Dry the Rain - The Beta Band
237. Frogs - Alice In Chains
238. In The Backseat - The Arcade Fire
239. Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
240. Disassociative - Marilyn Manson
241. The Burning Red - Machine Head
242. Feeling Yourself Disintegrate - The Flaming Lips
243. Mad World - Gary Jules
244. No Tears - Scarface
245. Who Knew - Eminem
246. One Armed Scissor - At The Drive-In
247. Process - Skinny Puppy
248. Get to the Gone - Static-X
249. The Height of Callousness - Spineshank
250. Hate Your State - Choking Victim
251. Carry Me Home - The Liing End
252. Tangled up in Plaid - Queens of the Stone Age
253. Tighter & Tighter - Soundgarden
254. Pretty Eyes -  The Peculiar Pretzelmen
255. Lost Cause - Beck
256. AFK - Pinback
257. Warsaw or the First Breath You Take after You Give up - Them Crooked Vultures
258. Man Overboard - Far
259. The Great Below - Nine Inch Nails

V. It's a Long Hard Road outta Hell
260. The 9th Symphony 3rd Movement - Ludwig Van Beethoven
261. Float On - Modest Mouse
262. I'm Free - The Soup Dragons 
263. We Are All Made of Stars - Moby
264. Strange - Built to Spill
265. The First Season - John Frusciante
266. If I Ever Leave This World Alive - Flogging Molly
267. Downtown - Teagan and Sara
268. I Get By - Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives
269. Explosivo - Tenacious D
270. Jaan Pehechan Ho - Mohammed Rafi
271. Here It Goes Again - OK Go
272. Hell Hole - Spinal Tap

273. Happy in the Meantime - Lit
274. Love is Only a Feeling - The Darkness
275. These Eyes - The Guess Who
276. Linoleum - Tweaker feat. David Sylvian
277. Just the Way You Are - Milky
278. Don't Forget to Call Me - Omega 3
279. Beating Heart Baby - Head Automatica
280. Yatta - Happatai
281. Not Gonna Get Us - t.A.T.u
282. The Reason Why - Ladytron
283. Ocean Palace (Wavebreaker Remix) - Children of the Monkey Machine
284. Happy Together - Gooby Goo & Peekers
285. Bubble Tree - Nadine and Charlie
286. Closing Panes - Ganzfeld Cocoon
287. Compliments - Bloc Party
288. Unreflected - Mazzy Star
289. Dogs Rule the Night - Porno for Pyros
290. The Diamond Sea - Sonic Youth
291. Daylight - Failure
292. Professor Nutbutters House of Treats - Primus (1/1/10)
293. Sci-Fi Wasabi - Cibo Matto
294. Drugs is a Drag - Kinetic Stereokids
295. Alexander the Burn Victim

296. Fly Like a Butterfly - Hideki Naganuma
297. Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk
298. Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley
299. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
300. Mercy Me - Alkaline Trio
301. Stella was a Diver and She was Always Down - Interpol
302. PCT - Polyglot
303. A Life Less Ordinary - Ash
304. Los Alamos - A Gun That Shoots Knives
305. Ever (Foreign Flag) - Team Sleep
306. The Last Six Months - New Roman Empire
307. Dancing Mad - The Black Mages
308. It's Natural To Be Afraid - Explostions in the Sky
309. Sleep Walk - Santo & Johnny
310. Dust - Ataxia
311. The 9th Symphony Movement - Ludwig Van Beethoven

Monday, November 26, 2012


Typing till the fingers hurt makes this feel like a real job. I'm done thinking for today and it's just getting started.

Just when I thought that I was in survival mode, here comes actual survival mode. Starting to think thin. Starting to become overly cryptic. Maybe all this new flavor of angst will make me creative again.

I need another outlet besides the book sometimes. Not enough time for one man to do everything though I don't do much of anything in the grand scheme of immediacy.

This is filler. Pontificating. Shotgun blasts of repeating thought that are going to eviscerate my brain if I don't dump them somewhere. Strings of non-sequitur microblurbs and stylized language. How does one get anything done with an upstairs organized at random then slathered in a fresh coat of metaphor to confuse yourself into thinking your own thoughts are cryptic.

I wonder how other people's mental gymnastics play out.

I think in captions.